Scrapbooking the Pieces
by inconstant heart
Summary: B is for Baking: Lelouch discovers he might actually make a better housewife than Kallen. /Lelouch&Kallen, alphabet collection. DISCONTINUED./
1. Apples

**Title: **Scrapbooking the Pieces

**Pairing/s: **Lelouch/Kallen.

**Relevant notes: **Alphabet themed collection of one-shots. POINTLESS FLUFF (and maybe the occasional angst) and general lightheartedness! Stories are not connected or in order!

**A/N: **I have a few stories planned out, but there are still a lot of letters that I'm stuck on ideas for. If you have a suggestion, please let me know! My profile has a list of unused letters and I'm writing from all points of the series, so anything goes. :)

* * *

**Summary: **An apple a day keeps Kallen away.

**Relevant notes: **Takes place sometime in season one.

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**page one  
**

**A is for Apples**

**"Blame It On Gravity"  
**

After Milly had announced the first day of the Apple Appreciation Festival would be spent at an apple orchard, Kallen had considered taking the day off school. In her frail girl persona, she wouldn't be able to climb trees like everyone else, and she'd be stuck picking apples off low branches by herself. It would definitely be worse than spending the day at the Black Knights' headquarters, making stupid bets on events like when the Tabasco sauce would run out, or when Tamaki would realise Inoue had destroyed all his _adult material_.

It hadn't occurred to her that Milly would want her help at the event; Milly was a one girl powerhouse, after all, and what was there to do once everyone started apple-picking? Resigning herself to a frustrating day, she joined the buses of students to the massive orchard, where the Student Council helped divide people into groups before sending them off to different areas. A couple of girls in Kallen's group immediately clambered up into the trees and everyone else had followed. They'd realised quickly enough that Kallen couldn't join them and had apologised, offering to return to the ground. Unwilling to spoil their fun, she'd refused their offer and wandered away to pick the fruit alone.

It was depressing. She could see dozens of temptingly shiny apples far out of her reach and she was itching to climb up for them. She _did_ have one option: the closest border of the orchard was far enough for her to avoid all the other groups, and she knew no one had been assigned there. She could take a risk and climb trees in that area. Kallen mused over the idea as she finished filling a basket full of fruit. She set it down and eyed the dull-looking apples inside.

It made the decision for her. After making sure her group was occupied, she hurried away to the orchard's edge, climbed a tree and began picking.

Bliss. It was pure _bliss_.

Kallen took her time choosing her apples. The view from the tree was absolutely beautiful and the crisp, clean smell of the air was already lifting her spirits. Nothing could ruin the moment, except-

There was a rustle as someone pushed aside a few branches and strode past her tree. Craning forward, Kallen recognised a very familiar black-haired student and froze.

Except maybe Lelouch, she finished.

He seemed to be talking to someone on his cell phone. He looked oddly intense and focused on his call, but she knew that at any moment, he could look up and spot her. She'd already nearly blown her cover once around him- how could she ever have thought Lelouch was Zero?- and she couldn't afford to risk it again. It had been stupid of her to climb the tree in the first place, she admitted, but mostly her current problem was Lelouch's fault. If he hadn't come along, she wouldn't be worrying about anything!

'No one can know about this,' Lelouch was saying, his voice carrying in the silence. 'Understand?'

Kallen frowned. What was he talking about? Did he have a secret lover?

'No, I'll see you later-' Kallen leaned forward, trying to stay quiet, and attempted to make out the words- 'You better not-'

His voice had lowered to a whisper and in her attempt to hear him, she leaned so far she nearly fell out of the tree. Her squeal of surprise at the near-accident was automatic, and Lelouch's head instantly tilted back to look at her. His eyes widened in something like surprise, or horror.

_Shit. _Kallen's hand strayed to the knife pouch hidden in her jacket pocket, even as her mind worked frantically for a cover story. If she couldn't talk her way out of it, then...

'Kallen?' Lelouch called out. His expression was neutral now and his phone had disappeared; she guessed he'd tucked it away. He peered up at her. 'It's odd seeing _you_ here.'

'Is it?' she asked, with a sickly sweet smile. 'We were on the same bus together, weren't we?'

'Oh, I wasn't referring to your presence in this orchard. No, my surprise is in the _position_ you find yourself in right now.'

Kallen understood the emphasis he'd placed on 'position' but she couldn't help thinking there was something unusual about the weight he'd added to the entire sentence. She puzzled over it for a moment and then realised he was waiting for an answer.

'My position?' she repeated, feigning confusion to buy time. 'I don't understand what you mean.'

'Well,' he said, walking closer, smiling serenely at her, 'I seem to recall Shirley saying you were so ill that even a game of table tennis was too much for you. And yet, here I find you separated from your group, apparently having climbed a tree alone. How did you manage that?'

_With my arms and legs, _she snapped mentally.

'Adrenaline?' she offered out loud, and then cursed herself for sounding so unsure. Kallen continued, firmer. 'I saw the most beautiful apple up here and something simply overtook me! Before I knew what was happening, I'd climbed the tree!'

Lelouch's eyebrows rose a fraction of an inch and she could see the amusement spreading across his face. It was the worst cover story she'd ever told, but truthfully, there was no talking herself out of this mess. Maybe she should have just knifed him straightaway. She gripped the little pouch tighter.

'I see,' he said. He nodded slowly, like he was actually taking her explanation seriously. 'May I see the apple?'

Kallen was so taken aback by the question that she gaped at him for a full thirty seconds. He wanted to see the apple? She didn't _have_ an apple that would inspire a rush of adrenaline so great she could climb a tree with it! More to the point, why ask to see the apple when it was obvious she was lying?

'I... I haven't picked it yet,' she said in a rush. 'But it's right here!'

Kallen reached for a relatively healthy-looking apple to her right, making sure to grip the branch she sat on for balance. In her panicked and flustered state, she held onto the branch with the hand still holding the knife, felt it poke her, hard, dropped it instinctively and nearly toppled off the tree in the process. Luckily, Lelouch was so distracted by the fact that she'd almost fallen- again- that he didn't see her pouch.

'Careful!' Lelouch exclaimed, making a forward motion as she lost her balance. 'I don't think Milly would be too pleased if you broke something.'

'I don't want to break anything either,' she muttered, discreetly searching the ground for her pouch. 'But I'll break _you_ in a second.'

'What was that, Kallen?' he asked.

'Nothing!' She smiled brightly at him. 'I've just lost the apple I liked, that's all.'

'Oh.' Lelouch came right up beneath her tree and surveyed the apples carefully. 'You were reaching over there before...' He walked around, to see the section better. 'I think that-' He broke off.

'What's wrong?' she asked.

'Did you drop anything? There's something pink over here. It appears to be the pouch you asked me to pass you in the shower, during your welcome party.'

Kallen almost screeched out loud. If he decided to be a little curious, he could easily see the knife in her pouch and she would definitely be screwed then. Launching herself into action, she twisted an apple off the tree and lobbed it at his head. It met its target perfectly.

'Hey!' Lelouch turned around, scowling at her. 'What was that?'

'I'm so sorry!' she gasped, widening her eyes and letting her lips part in a silent cry of horror; she wondered if she'd been an actress in a previous life. 'I moved to see what you'd found and the apple fell off!'

'The apple fell off.' He looked at her, his disbelief evident. 'And it conveniently fell right onto my head.'

'Conveniently?' Kallen repeated. 'I don't understand... Are you accusing me of something that's clearly gravity's fault?'

Lelouch glared at her for a second and then his face cleared. He smiled at her, looking contrite. 'Of course. My apologies, Kallen. I doubt even you can manipulate nature like that.'

She nodded. They watched each other for a moment before Lelouch turned again, telling her he was going to fetch her pouch.

_Not again!_ Kallen reached for another apple and paused. It _was_ convenient that the apple had hit him, and he wouldn't be stupid enough to believe the same story twice. Quickly, she tipped herself forward and shook the branch.

'Lelouch!' she shrieked. 'I'm going to fall!'

Lelouch spun around and for one bizarre instant, it seemed like he was about to laugh at her. The moment passed and he stepped forward rapidly. He positioned himself under her, ready to catch her if she fell.

'Are you okay?' he asked as she pretended to find her balance again.

'Yes, I think so.' Kallen let out a breath, closing her eyes in exaggerated relief. 'It's so dangerous up here!'

He regarded her briefly and Kallen could have sworn she saw his face light up. He glanced away, in the direction of the other groups, and turned back looking solemn once more.

'You're right, Kallen. I don't understand why I didn't consider this before: How are you going to get down?'

'W-What?'

'You said adrenaline took you up. It would be far too much to assume you could climb down safely, now that you're back to normal.'

'No, I'm sure I-'

'_Really_, Kallen, I'm disgusted by how inconsiderate I've been. You must be terrified.'

Lelouch backed away from the tree and pulled out his cell. He dialled quickly as she watched, helpless to stop him. In a second she realised what he was doing: he was calling Milly and asking her to bring a few students to help Kallen down.

'No, Lelouch!' she protested. 'I don't want to cause any trouble!'

He finished off the call. 'Your safety comes before everything; you know that. I'm sure everyone's eager to help.'

He was right. In a matter of minutes, a crowd of students appeared. Boys threw up their hands and offered to climb up and carry her down. Girls shouted out encouragement and praises of her bravery. It was a sickeningly embarrassing scene and Kallen was fuming by the time she'd been lifted down. She hated Lelouch _so much_. The asshole was in the back of the crowd, observing the scene with a smirk. He even had the _audacity_ to tell her on the bus trip back that he believed he could have helped her alone, but wanted to leave it to stronger people, just in case. Kallen's knife was back in her pocket- she'd had to distract everyone by knocking over a basket of apples before retrieving it- and she would have stabbed him had he not moved to another seat.

For the duration of the festival week, while Ashford Academy devoured apple tarts, cakes and loaves, Kallen stormed- in a meek, passive way- around school. The merest mention of the incident left her twitching.

She refused to touch anything that contained apples for another week after.

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	2. Baking

**Summary: **Lelouch discovers he might actually make a better housewife than Kallen.

**Relevant notes: **Set during R2.

**A/N: **If something seems off with the cooking terms, let me know. I relied on www. baking911. com, which makes baking look like brain surgery and since I have no cooking skills myself, it's a bad combo.

I'm not very happy with this story, but if I revise it anymore I'll end up deleting it from frustration, so... Hopefully _C_ will be easier. Anyway, have a (relatively) kind!Lelouch to make up for jerk!Lelouch in the previous story.

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**page two**

**B is for Baking**

**"Culinary Classes"  
**

On his way past the kitchen, Lelouch heard a series of ringing bangs that sounded as though someone was smashing pots and pans together. Curious, he ducked his head into the room and found an irate Kallen, her clothes dusted with flour and giving her the eerie appearance of a ghost. His redheaded pilot was so absorbed with glaring at a doughy mess on the counter before her that she didn't notice his arrival.

'What is _that_?' he asked and she swivelled around, frowning.

'It's none of your business, that's what,' she replied, throwing a dishcloth over it and sinking onto a stool.

Lelouch eyed the disaster zone that the kitchen had become- it honestly seemed like either something had exploded, or someone had decided to careen through with a Knightmare Frame- and slipped inside. He locked the door, not bothering to question why a kitchen door would have a lock, and joined her at the counter, removing his mask with a sigh of relief.

'It becomes my business when you're disturbing the peace,' he said and Kallen favoured him with a look similar to the one she'd been giving her failed... _whatever_ it was. He poked it in an attempt to guess what she'd been trying to make.

'I am not disturbing the peace,' Kallen snapped. 'It's not my fault this stupid bread isn't cooking properly!'

Lelouch looked at her and then at the lump on the counter. 'Bread? This is bread?'

'_Yes_. And don't start with your wisecracks, because I've already had C.C. spend half the morning mocking me.'

He could barely contain his laughter at both her frustrated pout and the way her feet were tapping irritably. He'd never seen this sulky side of her before. It was- he frowned at the thought- oddly endearing.

'Well, I can't blame her-' he began and Kallen immediately lifted a fork to his face, the threat clear. 'No, really, Kallen... On what planet would this be considered _bread_?'

Kallen raised the fork and Lelouch backed away from her, smirking. He was afraid she might decide to pursue him further, but instead she flung the piece of silverware down and turned away from him. He let her sit in silence for a moment and then began gathering used bowls and utensils, tossing them into the sink.

'Why are you trying to make bread, anyway?' he asked.

'_Because_,' she huffed, 'Tamaki said that if I had any children, they'd have to survive on instant noodles and takeaway. He said I couldn't cook to save my life, so I had to prove him wrong.'

He couldn't help himself: 'I suppose you'd better begin memorising Pizza Hut store numbers, hmm?'

'Don't you have anything better to do than tell me I'm going to make a bad mother?' she fired back.

Lelouch studied her carefully and when he realised she was genuinely upset, he was instantly sorry for what he'd said. He hadn't known the topic was such a touchy one with her, but he supposed he should have, considering how fierce she was regarding family. He placed one last dirty spoon into the sink and moved to an unused stretch of the kitchen bench, watching her from the corner of his eye.

'I'll teach you to cook,' he offered. Kallen glanced at him suspiciously and he met her gaze, wondering if she could see that he was sorry. 'Bread isn't too hard, even if you choose to go beyond the basics.'

'I'm not very good,' she said, looking at her flour-covered clothes. 'Basic is still more than I can handle.'

'You'll learn,' he said confidently. He collected a bag of flour, yeast, salt and various utensils. 'Did you have all the right ingredients?'

'I think so.' Kallen stood and passed him a clean bowl, her hurt expression fading. 'It never turns out right even when I follow the instructions.'

He thought about asking her how many attempts at bread she'd already made, but decided against it; he quite liked his sanity.

'Bad recipe, perhaps,' he concluded. 'Just follow me this time.'

'But aren't you busy?'

'I have time for this,' he said and Kallen stepped up beside him and began measuring out her ingredients while he kept close watch. 'Your measurements are accurate,' he mused. 'How hot was the water you used to dissolve the yeast?'

'Um... Boiling hot?'

'Didn't your recipe tell you to use lukewarm water?' he asked. 'Hot water kills the yeast and the bread won't rise.'

Kallen stared, directing a mixture of awe and shock at him. 'No, it just said to dissolve the yeast in water... Lelouch, how do you know all that?'

'Mostly experience,' he admitted. 'Learning to cook well doesn't happen overnight.'

He stirred all the dry ingredients together and added the water, testing its temperature first on the inside of his wrist. Kallen watched with open fascination as he began working it into a ball.

'Did you ever want to be a chef?' she asked curiously.

'No.' Lelouch tilted his head, considering the dough in his hands. 'I learned to cook after Nunnally and I arrived in Japan. Sayoko taught me some of this later on.'

'Oh...' Kallen paused and he looked up, catching sight of her soft smile; he knew she understood the reason for his cooking skill. 'Nunnally's lucky to have you.'

'I'm lucky to have her,' he replied quietly and Kallen nodded, reaching for the cup of water. 'Here, I'll teach you how to check it.' He took her wrist and turned it, so that her palm faced upwards and tipped a drop of water onto her skin. 'If it's warm, like it is now, it's at the right temperature. Treat it as though you're testing a baby's bottle; you want it neither too hot nor too cold.'

'Okay,' Kallen said, scrutinising her wrist. He waited for her to hurry through the following steps and reach the kneading stage.

'We'll do this for ten minutes,' Lelouch informed her, expertly working his dough into a smooth textured ball as he spoke. 'We want it completely free of lumps.'

'I didn't know you had to be so accurate with the time. I only kneaded it until it looked ready.'

'I suppose I'll have shared all my secrets by the time we finish, won't I?'

'You should publish a book.'

'Before or after our rebellion against Britannia?'

'During. As Lelouch, you probably wouldn't sell many copies, but you could as Zero. Call it 'Zero's Secrets to the Perfect Bread.' It'd be good for publicity and we'd raise a lot of funds, right?'

He smiled. 'I'll make sure I consider that, Kallen.'

Once they'd finished kneading, Kallen carried her dough to the oven with a childish eagerness and peered at the dials. 'How long do we bake it?'

'Not yet,' he said. 'We proof it first.'

'I'm not even going to pretend to know what that means,' Kallen muttered.

He chuckled. 'We let it rise. It isn't too hot today, so we can leave it by that window.'

Kallen helped him butter the insides of two bowls before they dumped the dough in and left them on the bench. The window was fairly high up, but there was sufficient sunlight streaming through to ensure the dough would rise nicely. They spent the time waiting for it by cleaning up the mess Kallen had made earlier. Lelouch couldn't quite believe the amount of equipment she'd used in making her first loaves of bread.

The final step was shaping the dough and Kallen sighed heavily when he told her they still weren't done yet.

'If it takes this much to make just bread, I think I won't bother cooking anything at all. My kids can eat pizza all day like C.C.'

'Bread is probably more complicated to make than your daily meals,' he said, as they shaped their dough. 'I doubt your kids would suffer because you aren't good at bread.'

'Still. I bet you'd be a better mother than me, Lelouch.'

'Well, maybe you should marry me,' he commented, tossing her a sly grin. 'I'll take care of the household duties and you can handle everything else.'

Kallen looked startled, her cheeks flushing a soft pink, and she shifted so he could only see her hair falling over her face. 'Wouldn't your pride as a man be hurt?'

'Unlikely. I'm confident there'd be ways for you to ensure I remain a man in every way.'

'You're a pervert!' she said, turning to frown at him as the implication sank in, and letting him see that she was blushing even harder. 'Stop it.'

'Why? How do you think our children came into existence in the first place?'

Abandoning her bread, Kallen scooped up a handful of flour from the open bag and threw it at him. Instantly, he was covered in a fine layer of white.

'I'm not having any children with you, Lelouch, so stop saying things like that or-' Kallen was abruptly cut off by his returning the favour and dumping his own handful of flour over her. Waving away the cloud drifting around her, she frowned. 'I... didn't think you'd do that.'

'It's very undignified, isn't it?' he agreed.

Kallen put a finger to her cheek, twisting her mouth thoughtfully. 'You know, white suits you, Lelouch,' she said, a second before she swiped the entire bag of flour off the bench and flung it at him.

He was covered from head-to-toe, but he was thankful he'd at least turned his face away. 'Kallen... How will I command everyone's respect looking like this?'

'I'm sure you'll figure it out,' she said, returning to her bread with an air of finality.

Lelouch followed suit, but revenge was in his nature. When she'd stopped paying attention to him, he grabbed the box of salt and backed her into the bench behind her, the task made easy by his advantage of surprise.

'Don't you even think ab-'

He emptied it over her head and the tiny granules spilled over, hitting her shoulders and falling to the floor.

'I'm sorry,' he said. 'But be grateful I chose the salt over the butter.'

'I hate you.'

He smiled. She was glaring at him, although somewhat half-heartedly, and he reached out to brush away the salt clinging to her cheeks. She looked absolutely ridiculous and he didn't doubt that his reflection would inform him of the same.

'Do you?' he asked.

She didn't move when he trailed his thumb down gently, even though he felt warmth bloom under his palm as she turned crimson again. His feet were taking him forward and his mind, for once in his life, was completely and utterly empty of strategies or plans or even logic.

'... No,' she said softly and he'd just stepped forward when there was a bang at the door, and someone called out to them:

'Kallen! Have you seen Zero?'

'I-' Not bothering to tear her gaze from his eyes, she raised her voice. 'No, I'm the only one in here!'

'Well, if you see him, let him know Diethard wants to talk to him!'

Lelouch lingered for another second after the person outside left. Kallen was temptingly and achingly close, but the interruption had restored him to his careful, rational self. He broke away, because nothing good could ever come out of anything like... _this_. Not with her.

'We should finish the bread before they call a search for me,' he said.

'Oh...' He wouldn't let himself read her expression. 'Right.'

They finished in silence and he slid the bread into the oven, adjusting the settings. 'I'll come back when it's time to take it out.'

'Okay. And Lelouch?' Kallen busied herself with wiping down the bench. 'Thanks.'

'You're welcome.' He fixed his mask on and headed for the door, pausing briefly once he'd unlocked it. 'For what it's worth, I think you'll make a wonderful mother.'

He sensed her staring at him, wondering perhaps at the sincerity in his voice, but he didn't look back.

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**A/N: **I'm sorry for the un-fluffy ending, but I have a story planned that ends with _too_ much fluff, so I'm kinda... rationing it out until then?

Kallen is apparently a terrible cook, which inspired this story, but I doubt I'd be able to make bread either. Seriously, take a look at baking911 and you will die at the encyclopedia-length instructions for bread. And no, I don't really think being unable to cook makes you a bad mother. :P

Thank you all for reading and reviewing! **Kira**, thanks also for the ideas. I'm pretty sure I'll be using at_ least_ one.

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End file.
